


The Night of the Opera

by walkthatlonesomevalley



Category: Dickinson (TV)
Genre: F/F, emisue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:40:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29116911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walkthatlonesomevalley/pseuds/walkthatlonesomevalley
Summary: Once the Opera has ended, Sue stumbles upon Emily just outside of the grand theater.
Relationships: Emily Dickinson & Susan Gilbert Dickinson, Emily Dickinson/Susan Gilbert Dickinson, emisue - Relationship
Comments: 49
Kudos: 233





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i had to imagine a scene for the end of that lovely opera episode - it's always cruel when the credits roll after every episode - we all want more emisue! emisue that is not restricted to some dream realm, so that's exactly what this is. short but sweet. you can tell i had some time to write this weekend. finally some dickinson fic!

**The Night of the Opera**

Austin left with his college friend leaving Sue to mingle unsupervised in the lobby of the theater. She stayed much longer than she intended to and only noticed when it was very late that she was one of the only patrons left inside the doors.

The Dickinson’s had gone, or so Sue thought.

As she stepped outside to wait for her carriage Sue’s eyes were caught by a surprising sight, and more importantly, a sight she hadn’t expected to be gifted with. Emily Dickinson was standing out in front of a large and decorative fountain. She was all alone in the world, for whatever reason. 

Given the night and all of her choices of company, Emily was the last person on earth that Sue expected to run into right now.

“Hold my carriage,” Sue said, to the man at the front of the theater doors. Emily was alone at night in the city and Sue could not in good conscience leave her friend outside, so exposed. In Sue’s mind, any passerby could coax an innocent Emily into any number of lewd or crude nighttime shenanigans. And, lets face it, the thought of Emily getting hurt was always a worry for Sue.

Oblivious of dangers, and of Sue, Emily gazed out at the clear water as it sprang from the large statue and filled the giant pool. Gentle clear bubbles and careful ripples flowed and flowed. The lining of the fountain was a colorful mosaic and Emily found herself wondering whose skillful hands had made the time to create such a wonderful thing. Did it take long? Many days and many nights? Or was it several people with only a week’s time to complete? Perhaps they were rushed, Emily pondered. But then, the workmanship was so lovely.

As Sue approached her, she had to try her best to hold back her excitement. Emily alone in the world, thinking her lovely thoughts all on her own? Why, to Sue, Emily was much more beautiful than any city or any fountain could ever be. 

“It’s lovely,” Sue whispered. She wanted to scare her, so she touched her sides as she spoke. And, when Emily suddenly jumped, Sue laughed.

“Oh! Sue!” Emily said, easily shaken now by soft words. People hadn’t been talking to her so much lately. Emily had to seek out words and seek out contact. And, of course, she’d been too busy writing to really go in search of more commonly sought after things.

“You are so beautiful tonight,” Sue shared. “I caught everyone staring at you. From Sam to even Adelaide, no less.”

Emily was always a little overwhelmed now when Sue spoke to her in this way. Words to her, from Sue, were seldom now and when they were so sweet and so positive they had this ability to split her in two like a knife splicing down from the tip of her crown to the bottoms of her feet. As the conversation progressed, Emily could feel herself practically becoming unglued.

“You’re always so lovely to me,” Emily smiled. She squinted in her uncertainty and tried not to focus her eyes on the lips she so craved. Truth was, she too stared at Sue, all night, though she’d been trying her best not to. And it didn’t help that when Emily closed her eyes, no matter what, Sue just so happened to live there inside of her mind, always ready to touch her skin and whisper sweet things. They shared so many happy memories that Emily could live off of just that for the entirety of her life and never lose sight of Sue’s never-ending sweetness.

“It’s true,” Sue smiled and took Emily’s hand. “You’re a single vibrant rose.”

“Stop,” Emily laughed. She held her arm over her stomach and wondered why Sue was here and also why she was being so nice. “Why are you here?” Emily wondered. “It’s late and everyone else has gone.”

Sue took a deep breath in and looked down at the hand she held and then out at the fountain. “Austin left me to ride back to the hotel alone.”

“Really? That does not sound like  _ my _ brother.”

“No,” Sue laughed sadly. “No. It certainly does not.”

“I’m glad you’re here,” Emily smiled. The affection she felt for Sue was a never-ending fire.

“Why are  _ you _ here?” Sue asked. “I’m sure you had the perfect night with Sam Bowles.”

“Yes. Well…” Emily thought back on the surprising conversation between Sam and herself. “You forget. I have this way of always spoiling a good thing.”

“Whatever do you mean?” Sue asked, instantly worried about her.

Emily took a deep breath in and worried that Sue might not like to know what had happened with Sam. Regardless of that, she sucked it up and told Sue anyway. “Apparently, a letter I wrote to Mary was somehow hurtful instead of flattery.”

“Oh no,” Sue said. She tightened her grip on Emily’s hand and touched Emily’s cheek with her other soft gloved hand. “Well. That’s alright. I'll speak with Mary. I’ll help you explain it.”

“No. I’m too much,” Emily laughed back her tears. “And you’ve said it yourself.”

“No,” Sue comforted. It always made her cry to see Emily in pain. “You’re just enough. The perfect amount.” Emily was so much. But it was all intense and good and rare and Sue wished she could explain why she had asked Emily to stop writing to her. It wasn’t at all because she was too much. It was because she was perfect, everything Sue wanted to keep.

“He left me. In the box,” Emily bit her bottom lip and tried not to think about it. The night had been so lovely. It was the thought of hurting Sam that really bothered Emily. “And I stayed to sneak backstage and speak with Adelaide. I had to tell her that she changed my life.”

“You went backstage?”

Emily nodded and smiled. Adelaide was a living treasure.

“I wish I’d gone with you,” Sue said. “Every time I go anywhere without you, it’s never the way that I hoped it would be.”

Emily squeezed Sue’s hand this time and wondered what had gone on to chase Austin off and leave her this way. 

“You know I’d rather be with you,” Emily shared. “Than Sam Bowles or even Adelaide.”

“I know,” Sue said. “I’ve been trying to be a good wife for Austin but he’s already upset with me.”

“My family is putting pressure on him,” Emily shared. “It’s the lack of money. They worry about the spending so much.”

“No,” Sue said. “No. I don’t think it is. But I’m sure that hasn’t helped.”

“Why do you do it?” Emily wondered.

“The spending?” Sue asked. “Because it’s fun,” Sue shrugged guiltily. Emily wasn’t judging her, she honestly wanted to know.

Emily watched her, attracted in every way. It was all she could do, watch Sue and just smile. Life was so short and they both learned that the hard way. Losing people. Losing so much of their potential happiness with each passing day.

“Are you going to stay out here all night by this fountain?” Sue teased.

“Oh!” Emily laughed at herself. She did realize that she must seem strange. All alone here, unaccompanied, and perfectly distracted by something that everyone else walked right by. “I hadn’t really thought about it. It was just so beautiful. I had to see.”

“That’s what I like about you,” Sue shared and held her closer. “You always find beauty in everything. Even when I think there’s nothing beautiful there.”

Emily stood and felt a warmth spreading inside of her chest. She never got to spend time with Sue. Perhaps it was only happening now because Austin was busy but Emily still loved it anyway. She wanted to be with Sue almost all of the time.

“Are you alright?” Sue wondered. Emily acquired this certain look sometimes and it always sparked a nervous worry inside Sue.

“No. I don’t think that I am,” Emily shared. “Nor have I been, for a very long time…”

The unspoken was that they hadn’t been able to be friends. Marriage stole Sue from Emily. It stole Sue from being able to steal her and be her one true best friend.

“Well…” Sue dazed. “You should come back with me at least. Otherwise my bed will be empty and cold.”

Emily laughed. “Heaven forbid Sue Gilbert might sleep all alone.”

Sue swallowed and felt her eyes tearing up. The fact that Emily could still joke? Why, it gave her such pleasure suddenly. “Will you come?” Sue whispered.

“You know I’d rather die than turn that down.”

“Mmm,” Sue hummed, pleasure and happiness spreading right through her. “You know we’ve got our own bathtub in our room. Any time I want. Someone will come and fill it. Make it so warm for me.”

“That sounds lovely,” Emily stared. This was the most close eye contact either of them had been allowed in months. 

“Yes, it is. And, like most things, I intend to take full advantage. You are going to come and take a hot bath with me. I want to hold you in the warm water and wash away all the bad memories of our lonely nights in separate rooms.”

“What?” Emily asked, surprised by Sue’s random urge. Bathing had always been such a solitary thing. And more importantly, this was something that she and Sue had somehow not done before. Another first for them. Which pretty much settled the deal. Emily never said no to a first time with Sue. It didn’t matter what the first time was about. It could be picking flowers or swimming in a lake. If it was a first with Sue, Emily so wanted to experience it.

“Come along, my heart,” Sue whispered lovingly. “We can talk in the carriage.” She smiled because of Emily and felt the soft ache of lust growing deep down within. She led Emily back toward the theater doors and thanked her stars that Emily had stayed so late on tonight of all nights when Austin had told her she could do whatever she wanted with whomever she might need. This meeting was fate.


	2. Alone in the Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the way to the hotel Sue & Emily finally open up to each other after months of confused pleasantries and awkward silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Too many people wanted more from this and I did as well. There will be at least one more chapter after this one. It's taking me forever!

**Part 2**

It would be several minutes now and Sue thought then, for the very first time, that a private carriage could be such a wonderful thing.

Across from her, Emily sat as still as a stranger, her deep blue dress just as stunning as Emily was herself. 

Sue's eyes had been drawn toward Emily. Whenever they dressed up like this Emily had such perfectly exposed skin as white and as special as a rare day with snow. To say that Sue was taken by her would be a vague understatement. 

In the carriage, they were finally alone in a dark private space. Sue knew that she and Emily would be alone for several minutes more. She had taken this ride to the theater with Austin and it had felt like an eternity then. The small talk just aggravated him and when she tried to be nice or be quiet that aggravated him more. They had reached a tipping point that Sue had not been anticipating.

But now, Sue was alone with Emily. Right across from her, and breathing freely, for the first time since her wedding day. The two, alone.

Their time together was a reward and a gift.

Emily sat across from Sue, holding everything in. The night had been a storm of experience and Emily wanted nothing more than to talk about it but she knew that Sue had been asking for silence from her for many fortnights and what seemed to Emily like vast leaps of time. Sue had asked, not in the most obvious of ways but, in little ways that stung like constantly nagging bee stings. The kind you don't notice until the creature is already dead and past. Emily tried not to smile so much upon seeing Sue. But it was also impossible for Emily not to notice the way Sue had been stealing glances at her all night.

"You've been on my mind," Emily said, a very simple phrase. 

They had gotten to a new low it seemed where neither of them knew how to read the other. Likewise, to communicate was also an issue.

"Even with all your affections for Sam?" Sue teased.

Emily shook her head and rolled her eyes. 

Sue’s smile spread like an infection. "I know that you think of him. Like  _ that _ ," Sue raised her eyebrows. "You think I can't tell when you're feeling things?  _ Those _ kinds of things?"

Emily opened her mouth to protest but then she stopped herself. She could truly not lie to Sue. It wasn't even possible. And, perhaps there had been a daydream or two. A romantic lark. To fill the empty space. But those were nothing, those dreams. Sam was sweet and he was going to fix her life. Attractive as that was, it was purely professional. Tonight, he had made that abundantly clear. 

"See," Sue said, swallowing. "If I'd known how easy it was for you to get over me I might never have touched you."

"What?" An uncertain sort of pain took hold of Emily, like a knife to the chest. "Sue, no-"

"I'm joking," Sue smiled her gentle smile. She reached out and placed her hand on Emily's knee reassuringly. "That was a joke."

Emily stared down at Sue's hand. It was a hand that used to touch her so often that the thought of that almost made her cry. Emily felt Sue like she always had, only more so now since everything had become such a disaster between the two. 

"What am I supposed to do without you?" Emily wondered. "Stay alone in my room? And think of no one?"

"I don't want that for you," Sue said.

Emily knew that Sue didn't want her to be alone or sad. It was probably why Emily had been clinging so hard to Sam Bowles and what he could do for her or be.

"Well. You don't often get around to seeing me anymore. And, when you do, you've lost your familiarity. And your excitement," Emily shared.

For whatever reason, they never talked about  _ these _ things. It had been months upon months and Emily had been so good at trying to be whatever it was that Sue wanted from her.

"I do see you," Sue said. "And there's more excitement in me than you know. Always..."

Sue moved then from her side of the carriage and placed herself down beside Emily’s form.

"We never talk," Emily spoke sadly, refusing to look. Having Sue near made her heart skip a beat. The breath was taken from out her lungs. A sudden sharp pang of lust seemed to envelope her. It was positively dizzying.

"We're talking right now," Sue whispered in close by Emily's side. 

Emily closed her eyes slowly and tried to hold Sue's beautiful voice inside her mind.

_ It’s romantic actually _ , Sue thought,  _ being alone with Emily in a private carriage. _ Sue found her heart pitter-pattering as if she'd been running down the empty street at a near sprint for a good half the day.

"Austin is busy," Emily noted. Her mouth was wet suddenly and she took in a sharp breath.

"No," Sue said, sneaking her arm in beside Emily’s and taking her hand. "For once I have been given permission. By him." 

"What do you mean?" Emily wondered. Did Sue need Austin's permission to be alone with her? And, if so, when did this start? Sue never said anything. And Austin, well, he had become all but a ghost. Occasionally Emily would see him walking away down the hall or out the front-drive. But he never spoke to her now. His life was too full, what with his work and his new bride. More than anything, Emily tried not to imagine what it might be like if she had been allowed to stand in Austin’s stead. Be the lawyer. Be the husband. She never wanted to be a man, perse, but she did want to marry Sue and she did want to live alone with her and have an open career in publishing where people didn’t treat her like some secondary, less-than, thing.

Emily had to admit that she was distracted now, by Sue. Sue's private whispering had always been Emily's singular, most favorite sound. Trying to concentrate on the details of this conversation was a little hard for her right now. How could she even think with Sue so close and being so secretly sweet to her after what can only be described as a drought of affection?

"To be alone with you," Sue whispered. And her mind was on a journey of wondering things. What did Emily fill her time with and what had she thought about the Opera tonight. Sue knew it must've moved Emily but neither of them had spoken of it yet. And  _ how strange… _

Their old ways had surely been trampled on by the unforeseen events of this past year.

"Austin told me I could spend the night with whomever I want,” Sue explained.

"Tonight?" Emily asked.

"Mhmm," Sue nodded quietly.

"And you chose me?" 

Emily was surprised at that. The two of them were neighbors, so physically close at all times. And yet, distant in ways that Emily could never have imagined or foreseen. Since the marriage, Sue never tried to reach for Emily or spend time with Emily. So much of the opposite had occurred. 

Why now, was Sue suddenly interested in spending the night with her? 

_ Sweet death, it has been ages _ ,  _ has it not? _ Emily thought. 

There was always a possibility that Emily was forgetting things or misunderstanding the flow of time. Emily was quite aware that her health was poor and she tried not to think on it. Things like that had only worsened since Sue and Austin wed. With no one around her every day Emily lost track of everything, her thoughts, her dreams, her imaginings… Even time. She had so much time on her hands. It stained like dark blueberries, rubbed and crushed all over her white skin. It was such a stain that Emily was shocked that more people did not see it. Specifically Sue. But then maybe she did not care...

"I was going to go back to the hotel alone but then you were there. Like-"

"Fate," Emily said, gazing out into the darkness at a fixed point where nobody stayed.

"See. You weren't supposed to be there and neither was I," Sue explained. Sue ran her hand along Emily’s hair and pulled it back behind Emily’s shoulder so she could better see her beautiful skin.

"It might be better if you did choose me," Emily realized. 

The last thing Emily wanted was to feel like an accident when it came to Sue. 

Sue traced her fingertips along the undersides of Emily’s, really allowing herself to feel her friend’s touch. "You're the only person I’ve ever wanted," Sue reminded. "When I said I was going to go back to the hotel alone I meant I didn't deserve to have a night with you, Emily. You’ve always deserved so much better than me. And I know I've been confusing and it's been hurting you."

"Why?" Emily wondered. The hole in her heart was so big now from all the nights without an answer as to why Sue had become a complete stranger since her marriage.

"I promised myself. To your brother," Sue reminded. 

Emily knew that it was a huge thing to do. 

"But that isn't it," Sue said, swallowing. 

"Then what?" Emily asked, nervously. The answer must be bad if Sue kept it from her for so long.

Sue's chin and her lips began to quiver. "I-I don't deserve you," Sue confessed, suddenly dizzied by the weight of her truth. "Emily- I-"

Emily shifted to stare at her friend and touch her face. Sometimes it helped her to touch and with Sue it was so easy for Emily to be in the now when she wanted to be.

"I betrayed you in a way I can't ever take back,” Sue gushed. “I don't deserve to have Austin or you. You deserve a full life with someone. Someone far better than me. I'm a selfish person."

"No one is better than you," Emily spoke, pained. She didn’t know where all this was coming from and it hurt her throat to have to say such things. And now her eyes saw only Sue. Sue's face and Sue's lips. All the sadness that Sue loved to lock down and hide away.

"Can I confess something?" Sue asked needily. It occurred to her now that she had no right to be confusing Emily with these floods and sudden urges of hers. It had taken a lot of time to create this distance and now all in one night Sue just knew she was going to muck it all up.

"Always," Emily whispered. She couldn't help it one bit. They were alone, in the city, in the night and so suddenly Sue was speaking so passionately that Emily slipped forward and stole the most perfect of kisses. 

Emily’s lips slid so easily open as she slipped her own tongue gently inside of Sue’s mouth and tasted her again.

It was dizzying and so fresh like a warm floral honey after months without sweetness. Emily's soft tongue had found its way in without issue, and what she found there was such pleasure. 

Sue's chest heaved and she hadn't realized until Emily pulled back that she had quickly stopped breathing before. Emily had stolen her breath away.

Sue smiled, overcome and suddenly frazzled in a good way. Her cheeks were probably hot and red and that was all that Sue could think about.  _ When was the last time I let myself blush? _

"Go on," Emily urged. She hadn’t meant to stop Sue from speaking. There had been such a lack of intimacy between them that just Sue’s words had inspired such lust and love from Emily. She tried her best to hold herself back, to keep herself from rushing forward again and touching her friend.

"It kills me. Not knowing, what you're thinking about," Sue confessed thirstily. The kiss had wet a hunger now, and it would eat at Sue’s insides until she could have that kiss from Emily again.

Emily smiled. She rubbed Sue's cheek and laughed as she rested her forehead against hers. 

"It's too much," Emily whispered. They were so close that Emily had to shut her eyes just to survive the intense pleasure of this moment.

"Tell me," Sue whispered. She touched Emily's face with the cold back of her soft hand. Emily's cheek was warm and Sue loved that. 

Emily took a shaky breath in. "Oh, Sue… I wouldn't even know where to start."

The kiss from before had left a soft stain on Sue's tongue. The longer it sat to marinate, the more Sue wanted Emily to break the spell and kiss her again. Plus, the taste would be far better if she kissed her again. This Sue knew. From experience.

Oblivious to Sue's strong lust, and, likewise, her desperate state of mind, Emily blindly reached for Sue's hands and desperately clung to them.

_ How was she supposed to open up now? After everything? So much hurt? So much silence? _

Emily felt her brain vibrating from how unfair it was.

Her mind could not be turned off and she had no one to talk to, no one to share with, for all of that time. 

_ My love, you've driven me mad…  _ Emily thought.

Sue could not read her mind. Not now. They'd been separate for too long. Leaving so much room for change in opinion.

"Do you still think of me like you once did?"

Emily's breath became labored like that of an animal. The words were upsetting for her. "How on this god green earth could that change?"

There was silence between them and Sue felt it now, the strong heavy tension. It wasn't just a mutual attraction or a mutual lust. There was a shared need and a sadness so thick that they could practically taste it inside their very lungs. It filled the both of them up.

"Do you…" Emily tried. She tried to phrase it, to repeat the same question. But Sue's potential answer. And of course the potential that it might be a lie, well. It burned her. 

"I do," Sue whispered strongly. "I'm so regretful, for what I’ve done, but of course I do."

"Are you scared to speak with me?" Emily asked, opening her sad bright eyes and seeing Sue up close again. 

"No," Sue said, shaking her head. "No. It's the opposite. I know if I speak with you all I'll be able to think about is how much I wish things could be different for us."

"How?" Emily wondered.

The carriage rocked and then it halted. They both instinctively clung together, out of fear.

_ We must be here _ , Sue thought. 

Emily was lost in a sea of her own doubts and musings. They could be at the hotel or back in Amherst, or they could never have even left the theater and Emily would surely believe it.

When the door to the carriage was pulled open by a footman, Sue had to squeeze Emily's hand and speak to her as if she were a lost child. 

"Come on," she said. "Let's get you inside."

Sue had fears about this, about talking. She would much rather they touch and intuit but Emily could not leave one thought in secret and it tortured her so. 


	3. I Think I Hear Music

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Behind a closed door, Sue finds herself unable to resist Emily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been sitting on this and I kind of want to rewrite it. I think I want a million different things to happen here in this scene and that's the real problem. Either way, I figured someone might appreciate that this exists.

**Part 3**

Inside the hotel there was no expense spared. Emily had not seen anything like it in her whole life.

She stood in the lobby and stared up at the elaborate chandelier. It was as big as an elephant might be. She would know since she & Lavinia had used some seamstress tape to measure out a proper elephant in the sand. These were things that she did that made sense to only a Dickinson. But now, as she stared up at the grand hotel lobby chandelier, Emily thought to herself:  _ why yes, that is the exact size of an adult elephant. _

"Come on," Sue laughed. The way Emily witnessed things sometimes, why it was a wonder to watch her exist. Sue had waited for Emily to find her with her eyes before bading her to move forward via spoken word. 

A giddy Emily took the both of Sue's hands and allowed her to lead her up the stairs and to a private room.

The lighting was somehow fabulous. Emily stared at the reds and the golds of the carpets and the walls. Every little detail had such potential to distract. 

Sue smiled as she watched her. It was a treat for her to be allowed to watch Emily, to know for once that there was no one around who was also watching and judging her.

"I'll have them fix the bath," Sue said. She'd been taking her dress boots and her jewelry off, trying to unload the unnecessary luxuries. 

Emily walked to the glass paneled doors and stared out at the full moon in the sky, just beyond their private balcony. 

Sue got up from the bed and walked over to her. 

Emily felt as Sue snuck her body in behind hers and wrapped her arms tightly around her waist.

"You are going to be the death of me," Sue whispered sexily. And she rest her chin on Emily's naked shoulder.

Emily let go of herself and relaxed into Sue's arms. There were two of them now who felt the rush of pure gratitude and need. 

Sue loved it. She loved to be in a place like this, all alone with just Emily. She shifted and laid her head down on Emily's shoulder. Rocking her lightly in her arms just to feel it for what it really was. A true fantasy as she breathed her in. 

"I can dream a hundred dreams and not one of them could ever be as nice as this."

Sue's words were so unexpected to Emily and so sweet. The emotions were rising in Emily and she knew that pretty soon she was bound to explode.

Instead of waiting to be overtaken, she gave a little and felt the tears let silently loose from her eyes.

She swallowed awkwardly and tried not to breathe too much or to quiver but she also knew it was no use. If she was going to break it was going to happen. And of course it would happen tonight, right here, with Sue. 

Blissfully unaware of the dark turmoil, Sue was on cloud nine before she felt the cold drops of wetness that quickly trickled down onto her arms from out Emily's eyes. 

"What-"

Emily breathed and quickly twisted until she was facing Sue enough to pull her in for a desperate hug. 

Sue felt sadness then. Such great sadness. 

She was finally able to hold her friend but she had hurt her so much that it probably wasn't the right thing to do.

"I'm sorry," Emily wept. The tears had come on so strong and she couldn't stop them. A little more together now she breathed Sue in and calmed enough to apologize. 

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Sue held her. 

It was impossible for Sue to separate it now. The wanting and the touching. The urges and the actions were mixed up together and she could not control the movements of her chest or her hands. 

In her heart of hearts, Emily was still fully caught up on the truth from the theater, she kept having to learn it from different people. The truth that she was too much for anyone. 

And here she was crying now, baring her soul. Perhaps she wasn't meant to have normal relationships like most people do.

"Will you lay down?" Sue asked, being so sweet with her since she was now worried. 

Emily let out a peep of a response before moving toward the bed and climbing up on top of it until she could lay all the way down in the center of it on her stomach. 

Sue watched her and worried. Her measured distance this year was never supposed to be at the cost of Emily's emotional health. 

She walked to the bed and started to undo Emily's boots. Sue would ring the bell down for the maid to come up and fill the bath but right now she had a more pressing matter, how to prepare her love so that she may be able to fully relax. 

Careful hands made slow work of undressing Emily. Each patient stroke was like a hug to Emily's heart. I had smoothing up Emily's back and careful fingers kneading at sore muscles long-overdue for a touch.

Sue took off her own dress and lay it with Emily's upon a chair beside the bed. Then she took it upon herself to eliminate a few of the lights. There were several lamps with strong burning wicks. Sue turned the flames down on some and shut the extraneous ones off from their oil completely. 

Emily laid still and imagined Sue drifting around the room. It was easier to imagine. That was a safer adventure given everything they'd been through.

But Sue was quick to return to her after ringing the bell. She climbed back up on the bed and started to rub at Emily's skin near her neck where her muscles were tense. 

"Mmm," Emily groaned. It was heavenly to be touched there and Sue had probably been the last person to touch her this much.

"Does it help?" Sue whispered. Her own heart seemed to be made up of very thin glass. Just the wrong pitch in Emily's voice was liable to shatter it. 

"Mhmm," Emily comforted. 

Every rub and pinch of her skin was like the further loosening of a tight rope that had ensnared her countless times. It was freeing and comforting, like being slowly set free by someone who cared for her. And that someone was finally Sue. 

Sue pushed her thumbs up the back of Emily's neck and watched how Emily shifted her forehead down onto the bed and let out a slow breath. 

It was sexy as hell. Sue was panting and trying not to speak or to ruin anything. The trance of it had long since set in. Touching Emily for a long period of time always did many things to Sue, it was therapeutic and heart healing but it also excited her body in ways that were so addicting for her and new even every time that she felt them.

A light knock came at the door and Sue got up to unlock it and to answer.

It was the maids with the bathwater. They brought in the pails of hot water and filled up the tub.

"Will you be needing anything else, Miss?"

"It's very well, thank you. That will be all for the night."

"Enjoy your bath, Miss."

"Thank you," Sue blushed. 

If Austin has been here she wouldn't have felt even half of these things. 

Sue locked the door and went back over to the bed to fetch Emily. 

"It should be ready," she whispered. "Will you come in with me?"

Emily was so relaxed she nearly drifted off into sleep. It took her a moment to register that the hand in hers was a real hand and the voice in her mind was actually the living and breathing version of Sue, as alive as the weather.

She got up off the bed and Sue helped her off with her underclothes before seeing to her own. 

"Here," Sue said, walking over to the bath and slowly stepping in. "Ah!" She laughed a little. It was really quite hot. 

She slipped down into the water until she was seated at the very bottom of the bath. Then Sue looked up at Emily and motioned for her to take her hands and step in.

Emily was shaky, all exposed to the cold. But as soon as she felt the heat she laughed and let Sue guide her in to sit in front of her with her back turned. 

"Lay back," Sue asked anxiously. The old Emily would not have been hesitant or resistant. It was clear to Sue that she had driven a wedge between herself and her best friend. If Emily feared their intimacy, she feared much more had been lost since the wedding.

At Sue's urging, Emily slowly let her body sink back in against Sue's body and then she felt Sue's arms enfolding her. Sue's whole body was cradling and keeping her in one perfect hug.

"That's good," Sue whispered, always worried that she might be hurting her best friend. 

Emily turned in Sue's arms and clung to her body in such an adorably sexy way. 

Sue smiled and kissed Emily's forehead.

The water was so hot that they both were breathing heavily now.

Or maybe it was because they were so naked all at once, in a place where they had never been before. 

Emily's face lay against Sue's slow heaving chest and Sue held Emily and stroked Emily's skin beneath the water with her hands.

Emily held loosely at Sue's shoulder, her body was practically plastered into Sue's now and it made them both smile and blush.

"You haven't even spoken about the opera," Sue noted. She kissed Emily's forehead again. It was close to her lips and Sue didn't want to resist it. 

The result of this was many sweet and careful kisses. A gentle loving and caressing that Emily had missed far more than she was able to say.

"Did you want me to?"

"Only if you want to," Sue mused. "I am perfectly satisfied, just getting to hold you like this."

Emily breathed and smiled. Sue's skin lay before her, the most wonderful canvas. Her fingers began to rub at Sue's chest and Emily felt it as Sue's body so strongly reacted to her own. 

"Do you take baths like this with Austin?" Emily wondered, curious.

"Not unless I'm sick," Sue mentioned. "But- either way- it could never be like this."

"What do you mean?" Emily wondered. 

Sue breathed deeply. There was a headiness to this encounter that Sue could never experience with him. Emily had this way of changing the energy in a room and exciting Sue's entire body, making her attracted physically. The lust was indescribable.

"It doesn't feel the same with Austin," Sue shared. "My body isn't alive like this and I don't physically want him in the same way."

Emily realized then that what Sue was describing was the same as she had felt. If she were to do something like this with Ben or with Sam, it might feel nice but it wouldn't be electric in this way. Her skin breathed its own life with Sue around. 

"How do you want me?" Emily asked.

She had caught Sue in a rare moment where she was able to share. All of their time used to be this way but since the wedding this was their first time touching again.

Emily perched up on Sue's chest to better look at her. 

"I want you how you are," Sue smiled. She pushed Emily's hair back away from her face since a lock had come loose. 

"I still don't understand," Emily swallowed vulnerably. 

"I've never stopped wanting you," Sue explained.

_ If that's true, why have we been so distant? _ Emily thought.

"It's not you," Sue said. "The reason we haven't…" Ever since the marriage and the miscarriage Sue had gotten it into her mind that it might be easier for everyone if nobody touched her at all.

Sue gasped in a breath and tried to calm herself, her dark dark thoughts.

"You have always been more than perfect, Emily. And I have always wanted my life to be simple so that I can stay with you."

Emily's face shifted since she felt a deep ache inside.

"Why can't it be?"

"It's just not," Sue laughed sadly. Sue always found Emily's questions to be like that of a child in moments like these. 

Sue had to marry to save her reputation. If she had not have done it and then the baby came? Well…

But Emily didn't understand and she didn't think of it this way. When Emily thought of the baby, the only thing she could focus on was the overall loss. And of course of Sue's mother dying while giving birth. 

"Maybe if I understood I wouldn't be so lost without you," Emily dazed.

"Look at me," Sue said.

Emily gazed into her, distracted almost immediately by Sue's obvious beauty.

Sue had helped to move Emily's chin up, to get her to stare. "I know it may not seem like it right now but I'm still yours."

Emily searched her. She tried to add and subtract all the facts she had now in her mind. But of course that would be a fool's errand. No matter how you slice it, Emily already knew that she would always be a fool for Sue Gilbert.

"I can't function well, like you do," Emily stated. "I need you more than you need me."

"That is so not true," Sue took offense. Her instinct was to cry but she fought back such raw emotion and took in a shaky breath. "I hide it well," Sue shared.

And when a tear escaped her eye and rolled all the way down her cheek, Emily quickly saw it and reached out to touch it, just to feel that it was there.

"I hide a lot of things," Sue shared, embarrassed by herself.

Emily's eyebrows furrowed. "From me?" She asked.

"Mhm," Sue nodded, pained. Why she was choosing now to open up was even beyond her. Perhaps Austin's full on rejection of her was enough to cause the break.

"Sue…" Emily breathed, more worried than she knew how to take. 

"I've lied to you, ya know."

Emily felt her heart fracturing now, in multiple places.

"Oh! No," Sue said, trying to stop the heartache that she could easily see in her friend. "Not like that. Not to hurt you," Sue quickly said. 

"Then why?" Emily asked. 

"To save you from the pain of it," Sue said. "I know how much you think about me. I don't want you to have to think about some of these awful things I've done and been through."

Emily couldn't control her sudden anger and frustration. She pushed herself away from Sue and stood up to get out of the bath.

"Emily, No!" Sue begged and reached for her. 

Emily looked down at her hand where Sue had clasped onto her and tried to keep her with the both of her hands. 

"You need to talk to me," Emily said, suddenly about ready to scream.

When their eyes locked, Sue could see how upset she had made her. It was so intense that she quickly let go of Emily's hand and let her get out of the bath and move away from her.

Emily's blood was boiling now. She walked to the corner of the room and unfolded a robe that Sue had probably left there. 

Wrapping it around herself, Emily wasn't sure what a person should do at a time like this. Was it really okay to be upset with someone you love? 

When her father was upset he was always a terror and more than anything Emily did not want to resemble that. She could also not excuse it away in her mind. It simply was what it was. 

She wrapped the robe around her body and hugged herself. Tears again began to slip down her cheeks And she hated them.

Sue was scared. This was why she'd been putting off even talking about this. Emily had been so fragile lately and Sue never had time to help her or comfort her because of her life.

Austin was insanely jealous of Sue's connection to Emily. So much so that she mainly tried not to ask her over and she also tried not to bring her up. Austin had a rage inside of him that Sue could not understand.

Sue got up from the tub and pulled a towel from the chair near the bath. There was no time to waste tonight. If they only had one night Sue couldn't be creating problems like this.

She walked to Emily and hugged her body to her back. "I love you," Sue reminded. "I love you, I love you, I love you. I would never keep something from you to hurt you. It's not like that and it couldn't be. I promise."

"So what is it then," Emily dazed. "You don't want to hear me… or see me," Emily sucked in a sharp breath. "And now I find you don't even tell me the truth?" Emily scoffed a sad laugh. "Sue, why am I here?" And then softer, to herself. "Why am I here?"

"Please stop," Sue asked, hugging her tight. "I don't feel that way about you. You're the only person in my life I want to see and hear. I mean that. The only one."

Sue was still holding her. The more Emily spoke the more Sue wanted to show her and to love her. 

"What happened to me," Sue started. "I haven't dealt with it well."

"Are you lying to me right now?"

"No," Sue said. "And when I said I lied, I meant about my emotions."

Emily held onto Sue's arms and felt her chest rising and falling a little quicker than she would like it too. Her racing heart sometimes felt like a danger since it always got her into trouble.

"I lie about how I'm truly feeling because it doesn't help either of us for you to know how much I'm hurt."

"I don't like this," Emily said. 

Sue couldn't tell which part Emily was more upset with so she loosed up on her grip on Emily and then felt Emily hold her arms and pull them to stay holding her.

Relief flooded Sue but the guilt was very heavy now. With Emily, Sue always harbored so much guilt. Their worlds were somehow so different and they had to be. None of it was their fault but it was what it was. 

Sue kissed Emily's skin, savoring the closeness since she feared it would soon be ripped away.

Sometimes Sue got it in her mind that maybe Emily didn't fully understand that her marriage to Austin was an act of painful and sudden desperation. It wasn't really a choice. Either Sue married or Sue would probably never marry and end up in an even worse situation than the one that caused her pregnancy. 

"I'm sorry I lied," Sue said, pain stricken and beaten down. "I know if you told me you lied to me I would be upset."

Emily turned in her arms and hugged her body to Sue's. 

The attraction was taking its toll now since they were close and naked and touching. Emily's robe had slipped open and Sue's towel had fallen to her feet when Emily had moved. 

"Well," Emily breathed. "Are you going to tell me the truth?"

"I can," Sue said. "But, it honestly felt impossible, until tonight."

Emily pressed the bridge of her nose into Sue's skin and deeply breathed her in. The bath had a sweet milky scent and now they both smelled like pink rose petals and milky tea.

Emily's touch did so many good things to Sue's body. Goosebumps spread over her skin, so much so that Emily noticed and urged them both onto the bed where they could be warm beneath the thick covers. Together in one bed.

They faced each other and stared. Their hands were clasped together right between them. 

"Maybe I should write it out in a letter," Sue posed. 

Emily smiled at that and huffed a light laugh. "You can," she said, nodding. 

"Okay," Sue agreed. "I'll do that for you. I promise."

Emily held the back of Sue's hand up to her lips and kissed it. Her eyes were drunk on lust and that made Sue want to let go and just taste her. 

She pushed herself closer and led Emily back so that she could kiss her. 

It wasn't like before the wedding. Back then they had all the time in the world. For Sue this was different. There was a fear that this could be only for one night. And if it were to be, Sue did not want to waste time on talking or on tears. She wanted to touch Emily. Kiss Emily.

She wanted to taste every freckle and every piece of Emily's skin.

Sue came over Emily like the most perfect wave. The kind that's so monumental that it kind of traps you but also instills in you such a rare and otherworldly awe.

Her hands were everywhere. Her lips. Her skin.

Emily was afloat in Sue's ocean, allowing Sue to have her way. And soon they were both absolutely equal in the give and take. 

Sweet whispers of, "I love you…" could be heard, as well as the gasps and sweet moans of pure pleasure. 

And then the intentional exchange of pressure on skin from each other's hands, gripping and clasping, trying to keep hold.

No more confusion for a little while. Nothing made sense to Emily but once Sue began to touch Sue she was completely present in the world and hoping for the somewhat sudden exchange to never end. "Please don't stop," she begged her. To which Sue panted and smiled. There was no intention on her part to stop.

When the orange glow of the rising sun shot through their room and painted it bright, they were still entangled and damp from the bath and their new warm sweat. The sweet scent had more than multiplied. And neither of them was aware enough to think they should stop so they did no such thing. Exchanging in kisses and in lust, instead.

The kissing completely became them as they gave each other life and felt the pleasure wax and wane deep inside of their sex. 

Maybe later they would have time to daydream and really see what they had done to each other but for now they were inside of it and floating. Neither of them wanted to burst the bubble or have to stop. 


	4. One Small Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As daylight approaches, Sue confesses to still longing for Emily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is the end for this one. <3

**Part 4**

The night had come and gone like a beautiful dream. 

Emily lay with Sue ontop of her and covering her completely. Soft warm breath tickled her neck as Emily smiled and hugged Sue's naked body tight against her own.

"Mmm," Sue hummed. "You make me feel lucky."

"Why's that?" Emily wondered. 

"Uh, you smell good, for one," Sue sniffed Emily's clean skin. "And you taste good," she licked and kissed a patch of soft skin on Emily's neck, sending out shockwaves of pleasure all through Emily's body like miniature lightning bolts.

Emily's mouth fell open and she slowly gasped in a breath. 

"How does it feel," Sue wondered. 

Was it the same for Emily? An endless need that only grew and grew? Sue had tried to feel things with other people but she always came back to this. It was always better with Emily, so much better, physically and emotionally.

"Like a dream," Emily panted. "Or a miracle? Divine bliss."

"Your words excite me," Sue whispered. "And your voice. I miss your voice."

Emily bit her bottom lip and breathed in through her nose. "I miss you so much it hurts."

"Where?" Sue asked, instantly ready to mend all wounds. She perched up on Emily and brushed Emily's face with her hand as she kissed her lips and gave Emily the rush of affection and temptation she had been longing for every night. "I can fix it," Sue said. "Just tell me."

"You can't," Emily smiled, breathlessly. "But, this is nice."

"It's more than nice," Sue smiled down on her and stared into her eyes. "I used to dream that it could be like this."

"Ahh, when was this?" Emily asked, addicted to seeing Sue above her so angelic with her curly locks hanging down and framing the sides of her face.

"All the time," Sue spoke honestly. "I would lay in your bed by your side and hold your hands with my own and imagine us."

It was a lovely thought for Emily and still a very important memory for Sue.

"And what do you imagine now?" Emily wondered.

"Uhhh, it's a little embarrassing," Sue laughed and blushed. She hid her face against Emily's skin.

"No. Tell me," Emily begged in a whisper. "You have to tell me."

"I can't," Sue whispered nervously. Her face was so red that she could feel the heat coming off of it.

"Sue, if you don't tell me soon I'll cry," Emily nearly begged her. "I mean it."

"Okay, okay," Sue said, building up her strength. "But you can't look at me while I tell you. Shhh. Close your eyes." She reached up and placed her hand over Emily's eyes.

"Okay okay. I will, I'll close my eyes," Emily smiled and pulled Sue's fingers down. 

Sue kissed up Emily's body and laid against Emily, brushing her cheek and placing her lips near Emily's ear. 

"I think about tasting you," Sue confessed in a whisper.

"Tasting me?" Emily smirked. She couldn't help herself. It made her smile to think about that. 

"Mhmm," Sue hummed. "I've never done it and I've always wanted to."

"You've tasted me," Emily laughed. 

"I haven't," Sue said. She loved that Emily was so innocent that she didn't even know what Sue could be thinking about. The tasting had nothing to do with Emily's perfect lips.

"What? How?" Emily laughed, confused.

As Sue smiled, she let her hand slip down Emily's stomach and slide into Emily's wet warmth between her legs. "Down here," Sue whispered.

"Oh," Emily breathed. The intensity of it made her head spin. And her heart sped up in its beating.

"Has anyone else ever-"

"No," Emily laughed nervously and swallowed. She shook her head. The thought of it was enough to befuddle and confuse Emily. No one had ever offered or asked. No one except Sue. Right now.

"I think about it," Sue said. "All the time. Because I know you taste good." Sue tried to keep her voice e low and calm but just the mention of this act on Emily excited her.

"How do you know?" Emily wondered.

"I just do," Sue said, resting against Emily and holding her close. 

Emily had never even thought to think about that. Sue always seemed to know more than she did about everything pleasurable.

"Have you…"

"No," Sue said. "People have done that to me but… I've never…"

"Do it," Emily decided quickly.

"What? Really?"

"Yes. Go ahead. I want you to," Emily urged.

"Are you sure?" Sue wondered. "We don't have to."

"Please," Emily begged. She wanted Sue to have the experiences that she wanted to have. Death was always so close at hand and Sue knew that more than anyone else ever could. Emily was always aware of these things and Sue always excited her more than scared her. If Sue wanted to do this there was probably a real good reason. Either way, Emily would do anything for Sue. Anything at all.

"Okay," Sue said, suddenly nervous and worried about her.

Sue kissed down Emily's body and rested her body between Emily's legs. 

As soon as Sue started to taste her, Emily's fingers gripped the white sheets and she gasped. 

Sue hummed in gently against Emily's sex. The taste was just as Sue remembered from the times when she had gotten to touch Emily before. She hadn't exactly shared it but she already knew what Emily would taste like. The smell and the taste of her was etched into Sue's memory like the taste of fine wine. The stuff that dreams are made of.

It was short but intense for the both of them and Emily gushed warm fluid against Sue's mouth and tongue as she let out an unexpected yelp of emotion.

Sue took Emily inside of her and savored her warmth. She kissed up Emily's skin needily finding her mouth and slipping her tongue so quickly inside, needing it again. Sue made out with her somewhat wildly for a fevered extra minute or two. The desperation of it was unexpected for them both but not in the least bit unwelcome.

Emily's heart was beating so hard in her chest that Sue could actually hear it as she pulled back from her and let her breath.

"Whoa," Emily breathed, overtaken by all the sudden and infectious feelings.

"It wasn't bad?"

"No," Emily laughed. "No," she reassured.

"Good," Sue laughed, relieved. She kissed Emily again and knew they had to get ready soon and go. Back to Amherst. Long carriage rides apart from one another. The silence of it would be the death of her.

"Did you like it?" Emily wondered, too distracted to think about anything else. Least of all, a carriage ride.

"Yeah. I did," Sue smiled breathlessly. "I loved it."

"Will you still imagine it?"

"Probably," Sue kissed her and smiled against Emily's lips. "I love you," she whispered sweetly.

"I love you," Emily gasped in emotionally. 

"Shhhh. I know, I know. I love you, I love you," Sue added as she kissed her back lovingly. "I'm sorry," she laughed sadly. "I didn't mean to make you cry."

"It's okay," Emily said, weepy now from the weight of Sue's very strong and sudden emotions. "We have to go soon, don't we?"

"Mhmm," Sue said, kissing her cheek. "They'll come and find us here if we don't."

"Okay," Emily gasped. "Okay."

"No, wait. I want to hold you just a little while more."

"Okay," Emily relaxed shakily. 

Nothing could prepare her for having to separate from Sue again. Nothing.

"I've got you," Sue said, holding Emily now safely in her arms. 

"Okay," Emily breathed. She shut her eyes and tried to pretend they had all the time in the world.

"You are my everything," Sue whispered. She kissed Emily's cheek and held her tight, grateful for the short time they were given, eventhough it definitely had to end. 

Emily breathed her in and pushed the fears and previous distance outside of her mind for at least a little while. 

Sue held her close and cherished Emily alone for as long as she safely could.

**Author's Note:**

> it's a little tempting to continue this one...


End file.
